so another week has gone by...

and the time went fast,

as it sometimes does...

but the pain remains

pain from some odd deep place in my body

not an emotional pain

a physical pain

an on-going mobile target of anguish

so is it a cancer?
~~~
well I'm going to go the denial route for that at the moment

is it from working out?
~~~
Ha!!!
haven't had the energy to do more than walk up the stairs at work a couple of times a day
& even that is getting more & more difficult

~~~~~~~~~~~~

so then WHAT IS IT?!?!?

~~~~~~~

is it an infection?

(it might be in part but I'm on anitbiotics for what was found by the doctor)

is it an emotional scar?

(no, those issues were dealt with in therapy over the years)

is it insanity?

(I'm still functional in all aspects of life & all the folks I see & hear are real - so not likely)

is it a demand for attention?

(see above comment about years of therapy & I haven't really talked about the intensity of the pain to anyone but a couple of co-workers -- I'm in the medical field so I was looking for suggestions from real health-care providers)

is it real?

(YES)

is it a demon?

(PHHHFFFFTT- or other raspberry noise entered here)

is it... ???

is it... ???

what the F*** is it!?!?

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

well I'm going to a clinic next month to see what it might be...

the clinic was referred to me by a co-worker

(she says I sound just like she did in the years before she found this clinic and the beginnings of answers to her pain)

Yes... they are real american doctors

Yes... this is a licensed medical clinic

Yes... they use vitamins & medications & life style changes to improve the quality of life & treat the cause of pain and exhaustion

NO... they will not be pulling organs out of my while chanting

NO... they will not be putting crystals on my to remove impurities

NO... they will not kill a chicken to find out what is wrong in me

if this helps

(& I think it will)

and if they say ok

(I think they might)

I will post a link to the clinic after my visit

namaste

may you all be well