so another week has gone by...

and the time went fast,

as it sometimes does...

but the pain remains

pain from some odd deep place in my body

not an emotional pain

a physical pain

an on-going mobile target of anguish

so is it a cancer?
~~~
well I'm going to go the denial route for that at the moment

is it from working out?
~~~
Ha!!!
haven't had the energy to do more than walk up the stairs at work a couple of times a day
& even that is getting more & more difficult

~~~~~~~~~~~~

so then WHAT IS IT?!?!?

~~~~~~~

is it an infection?

(it might be in part but I'm on anitbiotics for what was found by the doctor)

is it an emotional scar?

(no, those issues were dealt with in therapy over the years)

is it insanity?

(I'm still functional in all aspects of life & all the folks I see & hear are real - so not likely)

is it a demand for attention?

(see above comment about years of therapy & I haven't really talked about the intensity of the pain to anyone but a couple of co-workers -- I'm in the medical field so I was looking for suggestions from real health-care providers)

is it real?

(YES)

is it a demon?

(PHHHFFFFTT- or other raspberry noise entered here)

is it... ???

is it... ???

what the F*** is it!?!?

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

well I'm going to a clinic next month to see what it might be...

the clinic was referred to me by a co-worker

(she says I sound just like she did in the years before she found this clinic and the beginnings of answers to her pain)

Yes... they are real american doctors

Yes... this is a licensed medical clinic

Yes... they use vitamins & medications & life style changes to improve the quality of life & treat the cause of pain and exhaustion

NO... they will not be pulling organs out of my while chanting

NO... they will not be putting crystals on my to remove impurities

NO... they will not kill a chicken to find out what is wrong in me

if this helps

(& I think it will)

and if they say ok

(I think they might)

I will post a link to the clinic after my visit

namaste

may you all be well

Aspirations

"Today's problems cannot be solved if we still think the way we thought when we created them."
~~ Albert Einstein ~~

Uncle Albert has it right...
we much change our way of thinking to change our situations -
be they global, local or personal.

It is not just a change in attitude that is required...
(altho postive outlook helps)...
it is a change in the way we approach situations,
a change in the way we think ourselves out of the box,
a change in the way we look for patterns around us...

this is a fundamental change in our way of thinking...

For example:
when one looks in the mirror, supportive & positive affirmations...
(& not neccessarily on appearance for many of us have issues there)
...about how we are doing in life,
with our family,
with our god/dess,
with our friends...
these start the cycle of change in our thinking

we need to approach the issues & situations from the backside
or the blind-side
or sidways
or some other way than what is expected...

we need to look thru the immediate issue to the long term results of our actions & thoughts...

& this is hard for so many of us ...
to think past instant gratification
& see the bigger picture...

we are challenged to do this more than is obvious

so today, when I look in the mirror, rather than the usual concerns about the size of my waist, or condition of my pores or hair or or or
I will thank my creator for putting me in such a wonderful world

You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world. Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them. When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well. But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

What's Your Beer Personality?

dogs and haircuts

what is it about dogs & haircuts?

they will be cooler in the desert heat

they won't get as many foxtails caught in the shorter hair

they will be easier to wash

& they'll dry off faster

(thanks to that desert heat)

my furgirls hate to get trimmed

they hate baths

they love the treats they get afterward

what is it about dogs & haircuts?

Journey

"Every day you may make progress.
Every step may be fruitful.
Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening,
ever-ascending,
ever-improving path.
You know you will never get to the end of the journey.
But this, so far from discouraging,
only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."
Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

Each day can be a step forward in our life journey,

or a pause,

or a stall.

It is our personal choice to keep moving, growing & learning.

Enjoy the journey,

watch what you can see along the way

and keep moving

because only god/dess knows when it will end

real life

strategies for creating the life of your dreams...

one woman decided not to buy a single article of clothing for a year, which is oddly inspiring to me.

one woman decided to matching her values with her time as a daily practice.

these are simple things to work on, commitment is all that is required
(& maybe a two good pairs of shoes at the start of the year so you don't have to buy any during the next 365 days)

when I got my new position in September, it very quickly became an all consuming issue...
my life, house, health and realtionships began to get short-shrift.
my commitment is to balance work with life stuff better.

to that end I am taking vacation in July and August
I am doing a little bit of yoga every morning
I am doing a daily meditation, even if just for ten minutes
& I am spending more time around the house, with my sweetie, making our home a refuge, a safe comfortable place to be in together.
what can you do to create the life ofyour dreams?

brave

"To be brave is to behave

Bravely when your heart is faint.

So you can be really brave

Only when you really ain't."
~~~Piet Hein~~~

well there is a lesson in this verse

bravery is found in one's self at the most unexpected of times

when faced with a crisis,

be it personal

professional or

health related

our private reserve of bravery comes thru

to hold us up in the face of terrible situations

may you have a brave day

got a nudge

from Jerri
her blog is at
< http://blissfullyblogging.blogspot.com/2006/05/thursdays-thirteen-things-about-my.html >
so here is why I have been absent from the blog-o-sphere

~~~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~~~
I'm flat outa' gasph
I'm ka'poot
I'm pooped out
I'm run into the ground

I have nothing left
There is nothing of me left
no thing of me

I hate to feel like I'm whining (& I might be)

but I'm tired & hurting
(got meds refilled finally --- they ran out wednesday afternoon & I thought I'd see how I did without them -- hate taking pain meds if not needed --
--however I found out that I am Not superwoman -- I need this help)

Since September 2005, I have been re-building a department & getting ready for an AABB/CAP & FDA inspection...

the AABB/CAP came the end of April, they inspected & left

Since then I have had way too many (including weekends) of HPC collection ...
(we are still waiting for the FDA & we are overdue for them to be here for the un-announced annual visit)

& altho I did really well at my section of the inspection -- my co-hort said that I b*llsh**ted the inspector --

I resent that since having been married to a lawyer for this many years,
I know to not answer any question except for the one specifically asked: Do you know the time? and the Correct answer is "Yes" or "No" (depending on whether you have a clock/watch near by) and no more no less......

I have been working 10 to 12 to 14 hour days for 3 weeks and I don't know what is wrong with me (esp. physically as all the labs are normal) but I hurt, I'm tired all the time and I have no tolerance for any thing that I used to let roll of my back -- now I blame my contacts on being irritated for the drippy bits that happen in the face of exteme nasty.

I an proud of what I have done for my job here & feel very strongly for the patients that come thru the HPC program.

I have little support from most of those that make the desicisions for continueing to do a good job (or so it seems on a day to day basis)

I have been hiding when I should have been sharing with you, my few dear blog reading friends, becasuse I don't feel that this is even worth mentioning...

I gave up my vacation with my dad while he was here from out of town, because being responsible, is what both he & my mom ( un-be-know to each other) taught me... Do the right thing

these past few weeks have been bad... in many ways ... and yet I did fine, the patient did fine... but I'm outa' gasph ...

to angry for words

http://www.nolaslate.blogspot.com/

click on the link to read the most unbelievable story...

and this is in our country

and happening to our citizens

totally surreal
totally true

this should not be happening
write letters to congress
write letters to the white house
write letters to the papers

demand that the persons of the USA be treated with more respect

this did not happen with Andrew to Florida
this did not happen in CA with the north bend quake
this did not happen in WA with Mt St Helen's

this is unacceptable

to angry for words

http://www.nolaslate.blogspot.com/

click on the link to read the most unbelievable story...

and this is in our country

and happening to our citizens

totally surreal
totally true

this should not be happening
write letters to congress
write letters to the white house
write letters to the papers

demand that the persons of the USA be treated with more respect

this did not happen with Andrew to Florida
this did not happen in CA with the north bend quake
this did not happen in WA with Mt St Helen's

this is unacceptable

to angry for words

http://www.nolaslate.blogspot.com/

click on the link to read the most unbelievable story...

and this is in our country

and happening to our citizens

totally surreal
totally true

this should not be happening
write letters to congress
write letters to the white house
write letters to the papers

demand that the persons of the USA be treated with more respect

this did not happen with Andrew to Florida
this did not happen in CA with the north bend quake
this did not happen in WA with Mt St Helen's

this is unacceptable

this is a good thought

Any kind of expectation creates a problem.
We should accept, but not expect.
Whatever comes, accept it.
Whatever goes, accept it.
The immediate benefit is that your mind is always peaceful.
~~~Sri Swami Satchidananda~~~

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

the thing is that we learn,

early on,

to expect to be taken care of.

it is what our parents and family do for us for quite a long time

sometimes for too long

(just read the news for examples that are current)

we have to learn to do on our own

to accept what we did on our own

to accept what we owe on our own

to accept that mistakes are our own

we need to realize that what we do matters

even the little steps we take have an impact on the bigger picture

we need to realize that what we act on

what we believe

what we react to

what we do

matters

resting

If,

on a summers day

a bee,

black gold

round and round,

lands on you

stay still

be calm

she merely needs to rest.

rest, something we all need and so very rarely indulge in... for in today's fast paced, gotta' get it done yesterday world, there is an sense that for one to rest, to pause, to take a break for re-grouping, that one is indulging in a spot of laziness, perhaps even a lifestyle of it... this is not the case, the best work comes after a pause, a rest, a vacation.

when we get bogged down in deadlines, always more and always looming too soon, we lose our sense of detail, our sense of priority, our sense of self.

to pause, rest, re-group and return to the work-a-day world is in the best interest of those we work with, work for & will provide us with an opportunity to be better from within ourselves.

to pause is not lazy, to rest is not sloth, to recharge is not getting more caffiene...

it is time well spent, we need to learn to rest a bit, perhaps siesta on occassion, and certainly vacation more often.

we can be better at everything and with everyone when we are rested.

New Orleans, down & in

You have to read this blog

My friend and her husband are there

to rebuild

as residents

who truly care.

http://www.nolaslate.blogspot.com/


these folks moved to be in a city they fell in love with,

the hurricanes hit a few months after

they worked then

& they still do...

with local groups to provide food, medicine and care to those in need

they are working to rebuild a historic american city

New Orleans Louisiana

This is the city that helped birth American Music with

Blues & Jazz & Rock'nRoll

(not to mention some of the very best food ever anywhere!)

This city and it's citizens

who are our fellow country men

needs our attention

our support

& our caring

Non-action for american citizens should be considered acts of tyranny

& impeachable offenses

Please pay attention

Please don't forget

Please remember

ads or statements?

I don't care for ads very much.

not on TV,

not on radio,

not on webpages...

but I do feel that there is a time to make a statement

a statment about what we can do

a mention about how we can help

a comment about what we belive in

so there will be some banners added

things like
http://one.org/

and
http://www.thehungersite.com/

and
http://www.ecologyfund.com/

and
http://www.mercycorps.org/

Because these are sites that provide help,

help to those that need it most,

help to those who may not be able to speak for themselves

help that we can provide simply and quickly

help that really makes a difference in the world

and we are here to make a positive difference

might be a small bit of positive,

but every postive bit of difference we can provide
builds to make the world a brighter, better place

the irish in me irish shines thru

Your French Name is:

Flannery Pierre

What's Your French Name?

short test